Is This Your Inner Child?
I came across the It Gets Better project last year and I think it’s wonderful. It was started to give hope to Gay and Lesbian youth who feel tormented and bullied by their classmates, so they can make it through that tough time.
Many folks grow up in not-so-great circumstances. But I had thought that my siblings and I were pretty well-adjusted. I thought everyone was okay – we made it out of the hellish parts unscathed. But now in our 40s and 50s, the proverbial shit is hitting the fan, and it turns out that no, everyone is not okay, and in fact some of us are letting the past get in the way of living right now.
I think I’d made peace with the miserable parts of the past many years ago. I’ve looked at the memories, analyzed them from time to time when necessary, and put them into their place in my mind – the Past. Done. Move on. I thought that everyone else did so too. I think that everyone should do that. I mean, I had a life to live. How do you dwell in the past and live a whole life? You can’t.
I am not saying that you deny the past. Of course not. But look at it – like some ugly object that you carry with you for the rest of your life – then set it aside in a place where you are not looking at it all the time.
I didn’t call my blog “Positively Radical” for no reason. I believe in looking at the bright side, being optimistic. To push forward. To do things. Carpe Diem and all that. You can’t really make progress in life and live a full life being negative.
Childhood and teen-age can be hell for many. There were many scary times for me, many tears, many nights not sleeping, when I thought there was no way out of all this muck. Feeling hopeless.
I had to transition out of all that and it was not easy. But it does get easier and easier until you feel quite normal and ordinary. What is essential is that you live positively. I don’t mean you have to consciously think “be positive,” “be positive” like a mantra or something. What I mean by positive is to move forward – look forward, get yourself out there and live your life energetically.
Do things. Stretch yourself. Cultivate hobbies. Talk to people. Talk to everyone – siblings, co-workers, teachers. Go places. Take care of your physical self too. Do sports. Wake up each day and get out there.
What NOT to do is cocoon yourself into yourself. Once you go down the path of turning inward, dwelling on bad things, not talking, not doing – it’s harder and harder to get out. Because if your mind has only been fed bitterness, anger, hatred, etc., it becomes stunted. Year after year of this bitter diet will kill your spirit. Give your sad or angry inner child a daily hug. You need to give your mind light and feed it for it to thrive. Be kind to your self and fertilize your memories with new experiences and positive behaviors. Then your mind will take care of you. As each year goes by and you’ve done more and more things and met lots of people and exposed yourself to life fully – the past becomes more and more distant and separate in your memory.
Just do it.
It gets better.